Well, the last two weeks have pretty rough. I'm not sleeping well, I've been vomiting again, my pulse spikes way up if I try to do anything, and then last night I bled again. I haven't bled since October, but there it was, plain as day in the toilet. My blood levels are already very low. I can't afford to lose any more blood. And I don't want to go through any more blood transfusions if I can help it.
Noodles are about the only thing that settles good in my stomach, so I've been eating lots of frozen fettuccine alfredo, and today added macaroni and cheese to the mix. Plus I'm on a weird schedule, where I eat some fruit around 8am, noodles around 10am, then supper around 4pm. My digestive system moves rather slow, so I like eating supper early because I'm less likely to throw up any food later at night.
Other than all this, my mind is good and strong, my spirit is strong, it's just my body that is weak. I just hate being unable to do things. Standing for too long zaps my energy, so I can't cook or wash dishes. I can fold clothes if I'm sitting down. Whatever I'm doing, I have to stop and rest every minute or two, because my high heart rate makes me so out of breath.
Everything is just so hard for me, and it's difficult for me to deal with. I wish I had a woman to talk to. But I can't complain. The guys do their best to take care of me.
Well, tomorrow is a new day.
My love to all!
Showing posts with label living with cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label living with cancer. Show all posts
Monday, February 9, 2015
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Trials
No one knows what you're going through when you have cancer. It's not possible for anyone to understand unless they have walked there and experienced it.
Restless nights, nausea, tiredness, wearing diapers, constantly changing pads, multiple trips to the bathroom, hospice nurses, hospital visits, loneliness. There's so much to deal with each day.
I am in a fight for my life. Every day I have to win the fight. Every day I have to say NO to the darkness that tries to come. I fight by keeping the devil run off. I fight by holding every word and every thought captive. There have been days when I have felt tired of fighting. There have been days when I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again, to be with the Lord at last. But I have to fight through these things. The Lord has a work for me to do, and I've got to win this so I can go on with the work of the Lord. I was reminded just yesterday that the Joy of the Lord is my strength. In John 16, verse 33, Jesus tells His disciples that they will face tribulations in this life, but He instructs them to be of good cheer, for He has already overcome the world. Even when no earthly human being could understand where I am walking, the Lord does. He knows ALL things.
My hospice nurses shake their heads in amazement each time they come to see me. I have none of the symptoms they expected to see: swollen legs, pain, bleeding, etc. I think the Lord chuckles at those moments, because He knows what He's doing.
And so do I ;)
Restless nights, nausea, tiredness, wearing diapers, constantly changing pads, multiple trips to the bathroom, hospice nurses, hospital visits, loneliness. There's so much to deal with each day.
I am in a fight for my life. Every day I have to win the fight. Every day I have to say NO to the darkness that tries to come. I fight by keeping the devil run off. I fight by holding every word and every thought captive. There have been days when I have felt tired of fighting. There have been days when I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again, to be with the Lord at last. But I have to fight through these things. The Lord has a work for me to do, and I've got to win this so I can go on with the work of the Lord. I was reminded just yesterday that the Joy of the Lord is my strength. In John 16, verse 33, Jesus tells His disciples that they will face tribulations in this life, but He instructs them to be of good cheer, for He has already overcome the world. Even when no earthly human being could understand where I am walking, the Lord does. He knows ALL things.
My hospice nurses shake their heads in amazement each time they come to see me. I have none of the symptoms they expected to see: swollen legs, pain, bleeding, etc. I think the Lord chuckles at those moments, because He knows what He's doing.
And so do I ;)
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Three Months Later
Has it really been three months?
This summer has really flown by, and so much has happened in such a short time: cancer diagnosis, doctor visits, selling the house, and moving - it's really been a whirlwind. Thank God for His presence through it all!
This week I finally found a Primary Care Physician that I can start seeing on a regular basis. This doctor was absolutely wonderful. She is a Christian, she knows about this type of cancer, and she is very supportive. She talked to me as a person, instead of a cancer patient. She respects my decision regarding treatment, and wants to concentrate on the whole body, instead of just the cancer. I will be seeing her once a month, and she has already set up for me to get blood work done every 2 weeks.
After more than a week, I am finally getting settled in my new place. We closed on the sale of my house Thursday, exactly 1 week after we moved out. Things are finally starting to settle down, and I'm getting some time to just rest. I've done lots of sleeping the last few days. :)
When looking back over the last three months, and how much has changed since my diagnosis, I'm truly blown away. I have grown much, yet I know I've got a lot more growing to do. But I am willing to be molded in whatever way the Lord needs me.
Walking with cancer these past months has not been easy - I would be lying if I said it was. But there is such a strength in the Lord, and this has been so different from what I imagined it would be in the beginning. Now, I take life on a day-by-day basis. I make plans, but I rarely look past today, because I want to live in the now, in this moment, always asking the Lord "What would You have me to do today?"
Saturday I will be speaking at the house of a friend, to give my testimony. She asked, and is opening her home, and of course I accepted. It's not everyday we Christians get opportunities to speak our hearts to people on such intimate terms as in someone's home. I cannot wait to see what the Lord is going to do!!
This summer has really flown by, and so much has happened in such a short time: cancer diagnosis, doctor visits, selling the house, and moving - it's really been a whirlwind. Thank God for His presence through it all!
This week I finally found a Primary Care Physician that I can start seeing on a regular basis. This doctor was absolutely wonderful. She is a Christian, she knows about this type of cancer, and she is very supportive. She talked to me as a person, instead of a cancer patient. She respects my decision regarding treatment, and wants to concentrate on the whole body, instead of just the cancer. I will be seeing her once a month, and she has already set up for me to get blood work done every 2 weeks.
After more than a week, I am finally getting settled in my new place. We closed on the sale of my house Thursday, exactly 1 week after we moved out. Things are finally starting to settle down, and I'm getting some time to just rest. I've done lots of sleeping the last few days. :)
When looking back over the last three months, and how much has changed since my diagnosis, I'm truly blown away. I have grown much, yet I know I've got a lot more growing to do. But I am willing to be molded in whatever way the Lord needs me.
Walking with cancer these past months has not been easy - I would be lying if I said it was. But there is such a strength in the Lord, and this has been so different from what I imagined it would be in the beginning. Now, I take life on a day-by-day basis. I make plans, but I rarely look past today, because I want to live in the now, in this moment, always asking the Lord "What would You have me to do today?"
Saturday I will be speaking at the house of a friend, to give my testimony. She asked, and is opening her home, and of course I accepted. It's not everyday we Christians get opportunities to speak our hearts to people on such intimate terms as in someone's home. I cannot wait to see what the Lord is going to do!!
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