So much has happened since my last post, per usual.
Things got pretty bad for about a week.I was in severe pain, I wasn't eating, and I was very weak. I thought I was going to die, and in fact I wanted to die. I had lost the will to live. There was so much heaviness, and the spirit of death was very real.
Everything has since changed. My body is still very weak from being in bed so long, but I have to fight through the pain so that I can walk again. I'm done with being sick, but it's up to me to get out of bed and fight. The more I get up and move, the easier it gets. I'm now able to get around without the walker, and I am trying to stay out of bed all day.
As I submit to Him, the Lord is delivering me of the bondage I have been under this last year. All I want is to obey the Lord and His word. I give Him all control over my life.
This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it! Praise God for His ultimate mercy and compassion!
Friday, April 17, 2015
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Book Talk
Today I started reading a new book, a gift from someone who knows me well! :) This book is very moving, and I can't wait to finish it. The author is a man named Tom Doyle.
The title of the book is Killing Christians: Living the Faith Where It's Not Safe to Believe
Catchy, right?
Wow. As a true believer, I am appalled, though not surprised, at what my brothers and sisters are going through in other countries, especially in Africa and the Middle East. Still, this book makes me think, it makes me look at myself, which I believe is one of the main purposes of the book.
The following are excerpts from the book, words from a Christian who lives in Syria:
"I used to think I lived a life of sacrifice, but that changed when the war broke out. Although Syria has so few believers that there was danger before, I did not really know what it means to sacrifice. What I thought was sacrifice was actually just inconvenience."
"There is remarkable freedom in having no expectations, no plans for tomorrow. The question I and many others start every day with is this: "Jesus, what do You have planned for me and my family?" Only today matters. Only how I live for Jesus counts. Everything else is superficial. When I hand over my life to my Lord, knowing each day may be my last one on this earth, I am more at peace than ever before."
"Is your life about Jesus and nothing else? When you may die at any moment, it has to be that way, but we're ALL called to live only for Him, no matter what. Although Paul once sacrificed Christians, he met Jesus, gave up all his "rights" and made himself a living sacrifice. Once you live like this, you grasp the most profound fulfillment possible in life."
If THAT isn't thought-provoking to you, then you really need to look at yourself and check your heart.
The title of the book is Killing Christians: Living the Faith Where It's Not Safe to Believe
Catchy, right?
Wow. As a true believer, I am appalled, though not surprised, at what my brothers and sisters are going through in other countries, especially in Africa and the Middle East. Still, this book makes me think, it makes me look at myself, which I believe is one of the main purposes of the book.
The following are excerpts from the book, words from a Christian who lives in Syria:
"I used to think I lived a life of sacrifice, but that changed when the war broke out. Although Syria has so few believers that there was danger before, I did not really know what it means to sacrifice. What I thought was sacrifice was actually just inconvenience."
"There is remarkable freedom in having no expectations, no plans for tomorrow. The question I and many others start every day with is this: "Jesus, what do You have planned for me and my family?" Only today matters. Only how I live for Jesus counts. Everything else is superficial. When I hand over my life to my Lord, knowing each day may be my last one on this earth, I am more at peace than ever before."
"Is your life about Jesus and nothing else? When you may die at any moment, it has to be that way, but we're ALL called to live only for Him, no matter what. Although Paul once sacrificed Christians, he met Jesus, gave up all his "rights" and made himself a living sacrifice. Once you live like this, you grasp the most profound fulfillment possible in life."
If THAT isn't thought-provoking to you, then you really need to look at yourself and check your heart.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
A New Day
A lot has happened since my last post. A few days after I moved in, my feet started to swell, then my legs. After making sure it wasn't a blood clot, I was told it was fluid buildup, put on a water pill, and told to keep my legs elevated to try and drain the fluid.
Around this time I decided to get back on hospice. This time I have a great nurse.
I went downhill pretty quickly. I could barely walk, I was constantly in pain, I was throwing up whatever I ate, and my pulse kept shooting up so high I couldn't breathe. I was ready to give up, and I just wanted to go home to the Lord.
Around this time I decided to get back on hospice. This time I have a great nurse.
I went downhill pretty quickly. I could barely walk, I was constantly in pain, I was throwing up whatever I ate, and my pulse kept shooting up so high I couldn't breathe. I was ready to give up, and I just wanted to go home to the Lord.
Then, a week ago, something happened to me. A fight rose up in me
like I've never felt before, like a fire. It's like I
woke up from a coma or something. I prayed to the Lord like never
before, and I told Him I wanted to LIVE. I laid hands on my own body and
commanded it to line up with God's word.
This cancer is NOT going to take me! I'm too young, and the Lord has work for me to do.
It's been an amazing week! I can already feel the difference in my body. I've been getting out of bed and walking down the hallway without any help! I'm bathing on my own too! I'm taking it day by day, kind of like physical therapy, and I will keep doing a little more each day.
I've got a joy now that I didn't have before. I'm going to walk out of this thing, and you all are going to witness a miracle. I'm going to live and preach and do exactly what the Lord commands. I'm so excited!
This cancer is NOT going to take me! I'm too young, and the Lord has work for me to do.
It's been an amazing week! I can already feel the difference in my body. I've been getting out of bed and walking down the hallway without any help! I'm bathing on my own too! I'm taking it day by day, kind of like physical therapy, and I will keep doing a little more each day.
I've got a joy now that I didn't have before. I'm going to walk out of this thing, and you all are going to witness a miracle. I'm going to live and preach and do exactly what the Lord commands. I'm so excited!
Monday, February 16, 2015
A Move
So yesterday we had a family get-together to celebrate my grandpa's 70th birthday. By the end of this party, it was decided that I would go live with my grandparents for a while. The bottom line is I need a woman around, to help with things like getting out of the bathtub. Plus this way I would have my own bathroom, which will be a huge help. This will also bring me closer to my other grandparents, who only live about 10 miles from where I'll be staying.
I don't know how long this arrangement will be for, but frankly I'm preparing myself in the event I don't get any better. In the last two weeks, I've seen a steady decline in my physical strength, to where I have a very hard time getting up from any kind of sitting, kneeling, or lying position. Yesterday at the party, I had to get my grandma to help lift me off the toilet, because I couldn't get up on my own. My legs feel like lead sometimes.
As I keep telling everyone, I'm not giving up, but I can't deny what's going on with my body, and how weak I am getting. I'm glad I cancelled hospice, because I'd rather have my family taking care of me at the end, instead of a stranger. Funeral arrangements were completed last fall, so all that's left for me to do now is make sure Dad knows what to do with all the little things. Plus, I have some letters I want to write, to be given out in the event of my death.
It's been quite an emotional week, but I feel better about the move and getting my affairs in order, so that I can rest and be at peace. I think a change of scenery will do me some good, and having women around will definitely help. I look forward to seeing what the Lord does these next few weeks and months.
I don't know how long this arrangement will be for, but frankly I'm preparing myself in the event I don't get any better. In the last two weeks, I've seen a steady decline in my physical strength, to where I have a very hard time getting up from any kind of sitting, kneeling, or lying position. Yesterday at the party, I had to get my grandma to help lift me off the toilet, because I couldn't get up on my own. My legs feel like lead sometimes.
As I keep telling everyone, I'm not giving up, but I can't deny what's going on with my body, and how weak I am getting. I'm glad I cancelled hospice, because I'd rather have my family taking care of me at the end, instead of a stranger. Funeral arrangements were completed last fall, so all that's left for me to do now is make sure Dad knows what to do with all the little things. Plus, I have some letters I want to write, to be given out in the event of my death.
It's been quite an emotional week, but I feel better about the move and getting my affairs in order, so that I can rest and be at peace. I think a change of scenery will do me some good, and having women around will definitely help. I look forward to seeing what the Lord does these next few weeks and months.
Monday, February 9, 2015
Hard
Well, the last two weeks have pretty rough. I'm not sleeping well, I've been vomiting again, my pulse spikes way up if I try to do anything, and then last night I bled again. I haven't bled since October, but there it was, plain as day in the toilet. My blood levels are already very low. I can't afford to lose any more blood. And I don't want to go through any more blood transfusions if I can help it.
Noodles are about the only thing that settles good in my stomach, so I've been eating lots of frozen fettuccine alfredo, and today added macaroni and cheese to the mix. Plus I'm on a weird schedule, where I eat some fruit around 8am, noodles around 10am, then supper around 4pm. My digestive system moves rather slow, so I like eating supper early because I'm less likely to throw up any food later at night.
Other than all this, my mind is good and strong, my spirit is strong, it's just my body that is weak. I just hate being unable to do things. Standing for too long zaps my energy, so I can't cook or wash dishes. I can fold clothes if I'm sitting down. Whatever I'm doing, I have to stop and rest every minute or two, because my high heart rate makes me so out of breath.
Everything is just so hard for me, and it's difficult for me to deal with. I wish I had a woman to talk to. But I can't complain. The guys do their best to take care of me.
Well, tomorrow is a new day.
My love to all!
Noodles are about the only thing that settles good in my stomach, so I've been eating lots of frozen fettuccine alfredo, and today added macaroni and cheese to the mix. Plus I'm on a weird schedule, where I eat some fruit around 8am, noodles around 10am, then supper around 4pm. My digestive system moves rather slow, so I like eating supper early because I'm less likely to throw up any food later at night.
Other than all this, my mind is good and strong, my spirit is strong, it's just my body that is weak. I just hate being unable to do things. Standing for too long zaps my energy, so I can't cook or wash dishes. I can fold clothes if I'm sitting down. Whatever I'm doing, I have to stop and rest every minute or two, because my high heart rate makes me so out of breath.
Everything is just so hard for me, and it's difficult for me to deal with. I wish I had a woman to talk to. But I can't complain. The guys do their best to take care of me.
Well, tomorrow is a new day.
My love to all!
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Bye Bye Hospice
Today I finally cancelled hospice. I've been praying about it for the last 2 weeks. I'm not dying, and Hospice can't really help me anyways. All they want to do is give drugs, which I won't take. They check my vitals, but that's something I can do myself. So why do I need hospice?
It was wonderful to make that decision, because that's a big weight lifted for me. There's such a heaviness about those nurses - a spirit of death - because they deal with nothing but death all the time. I'm not saying they are bad people, most dying people need what they have to offer because they believe in the medical system. And they are very sweet ladies. But they can't really do anything for true Christians, those that believe in God for healing and won't take the drugs. Dying Christians simply need their close family and other believers to support them in the end.
Anyways, now I'm just waiting for the home health company to come get all their equipment, like the oxygen tanks and the wheelchair. That stuff will likely be gone by tomorrow.
For me, this was yet another step in the healing process. Thank you Jesus!
It was wonderful to make that decision, because that's a big weight lifted for me. There's such a heaviness about those nurses - a spirit of death - because they deal with nothing but death all the time. I'm not saying they are bad people, most dying people need what they have to offer because they believe in the medical system. And they are very sweet ladies. But they can't really do anything for true Christians, those that believe in God for healing and won't take the drugs. Dying Christians simply need their close family and other believers to support them in the end.
Anyways, now I'm just waiting for the home health company to come get all their equipment, like the oxygen tanks and the wheelchair. That stuff will likely be gone by tomorrow.
For me, this was yet another step in the healing process. Thank you Jesus!
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Updates
Since last month, I've been trying to get a second PET scan set up, so that I can just see what's going on in my body. Unfortunately, I ran into some tangles with my medicaid insurance, so I've decided to drop it for now.
About 2 weeks ago I went through some pretty heavy and intense deliverance. You see, I still had fear, doubt, and unbelief in my heart; therefore, I couldn't receive healing. Now that those things have been casted out, I can believe and receive from a pure heart. Ever since the deliverance, I can feel the Lord working in my body, getting that nasty cancer out of me. I feel stronger in the spirit, and my body is really working on that healing process.
Praise the Lord God for His mercy on me!
About 2 weeks ago I went through some pretty heavy and intense deliverance. You see, I still had fear, doubt, and unbelief in my heart; therefore, I couldn't receive healing. Now that those things have been casted out, I can believe and receive from a pure heart. Ever since the deliverance, I can feel the Lord working in my body, getting that nasty cancer out of me. I feel stronger in the spirit, and my body is really working on that healing process.
Praise the Lord God for His mercy on me!
Friday, January 2, 2015
Distractions
The other day I was reading in the Gospel of Luke, and one of the parables really jumped out at me. I want to share what the Lord showed me.
Luke 14:16-24:
16 Then said he unto him, A certain man made a great supper, and bade many:
17 And sent his servant at supper time to say to them that were bidden, Come; for all things are now ready.
18 And they all with one consent began to make excuse. The first said unto him, I have bought a piece of ground, and I must needs go and see it: I pray thee have me excused.
19 And another said, I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I go to prove them: I pray thee have me excused.
20 And another said, I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.
21 So that servant came, and shewed his lord these things. Then the master of the house being angry said to his servant, Go out quickly into the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in hither the poor, and the maimed, and the halt, and the blind.
22 And the servant said, Lord, it is done as thou hast commanded, and yet there is room.
23 And the lord said unto the servant, Go out into the highways and hedges, and compel them to come in, that my house may be filled.
24 For I say unto you, That none of those men which were bidden shall taste of my supper.
If we are not careful, life can get in the way of our salvation. We get so busy with our families, our jobs, our friends, our hobbies, our worries, that we forget to serve Christ. The people in the parable above were so consumed in their lives, that they rejected the invitation of Christ. Because of this, they will not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
Take care that you not be consumed with the things of this life, which are passing, fleeting. Salvation is eternal, and so is damnation. Watch your priorities, don't get distracted, and make sure the Heavenly Father is first in your life. Spend time with Him, read His word, obey His will. This life is but a vapor, it will soon vanish. Don't waste it on senseless pleasure, but rather in holy fear, knowing that God is faithful and will do everything He said He would do.
Luke 14:16-24:
16 Then said he unto him, A certain man made a great supper, and bade many:
17 And sent his servant at supper time to say to them that were bidden, Come; for all things are now ready.
18 And they all with one consent began to make excuse. The first said unto him, I have bought a piece of ground, and I must needs go and see it: I pray thee have me excused.
19 And another said, I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I go to prove them: I pray thee have me excused.
20 And another said, I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.
21 So that servant came, and shewed his lord these things. Then the master of the house being angry said to his servant, Go out quickly into the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in hither the poor, and the maimed, and the halt, and the blind.
22 And the servant said, Lord, it is done as thou hast commanded, and yet there is room.
23 And the lord said unto the servant, Go out into the highways and hedges, and compel them to come in, that my house may be filled.
24 For I say unto you, That none of those men which were bidden shall taste of my supper.
If we are not careful, life can get in the way of our salvation. We get so busy with our families, our jobs, our friends, our hobbies, our worries, that we forget to serve Christ. The people in the parable above were so consumed in their lives, that they rejected the invitation of Christ. Because of this, they will not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
Take care that you not be consumed with the things of this life, which are passing, fleeting. Salvation is eternal, and so is damnation. Watch your priorities, don't get distracted, and make sure the Heavenly Father is first in your life. Spend time with Him, read His word, obey His will. This life is but a vapor, it will soon vanish. Don't waste it on senseless pleasure, but rather in holy fear, knowing that God is faithful and will do everything He said He would do.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
2014
2014 has been quite a year, with so many changes. If you told me last December I would be here right now, I would have laughed at you.
It all started with putting my house up for sale. Two weeks later I sold my car, and I had 2 buyers for the house. Three weeks later, a cancer diagnosis. September brought the sale of my house and a big move. October brought unemployment.
These last few months have been difficult, life-changing, and a major learning experience. The Lord has brought me through so much, and He continues to be my rock and my strength.
I know I am right where I'm supposed to be, and I'm excited to see what 2015 will hold. I'll continue to take each day as it comes, as the Lord leads.
It all started with putting my house up for sale. Two weeks later I sold my car, and I had 2 buyers for the house. Three weeks later, a cancer diagnosis. September brought the sale of my house and a big move. October brought unemployment.
These last few months have been difficult, life-changing, and a major learning experience. The Lord has brought me through so much, and He continues to be my rock and my strength.
I know I am right where I'm supposed to be, and I'm excited to see what 2015 will hold. I'll continue to take each day as it comes, as the Lord leads.
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Bye Bye PICC Line
Yesterday I was able to get my PICC line removed, after having it for over 2 months. It's been nearly 2 months since I've needed a blood transfusion, so the doctor agreed I could get it taken out. What a relief! That thing required a lot of maintenance.
To explain, a PICC line is a "Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter". It is a small flexible tube that gets inserted into a peripheral vein, in my case it was in my upper right arm, and goes up the arm and to the chest until it reaches into a large vessel near my heart. An ultrasound was used to guide the line through the vein and into the chest. They also did an x-ray of the chest to confirm the placement of the PICC catheter. The procedure took about 20 minutes, and was relatively painless.
The PICC line had to be flushed twice a day with sodium chloride. Dad always did this for me because I couldn't do it with one hand. The dressing had to be changed once a week. Also, you can't get the PICC line wet, so at first I took baths. After about a month of baths I was ready for showers again, so my arm had to be wrapped up tight with plastic wrap and tape.
I'm just so glad it's gone!
One step closer. My next step is to try and schedule another PET scan, so we can see what's going on.
To explain, a PICC line is a "Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter". It is a small flexible tube that gets inserted into a peripheral vein, in my case it was in my upper right arm, and goes up the arm and to the chest until it reaches into a large vessel near my heart. An ultrasound was used to guide the line through the vein and into the chest. They also did an x-ray of the chest to confirm the placement of the PICC catheter. The procedure took about 20 minutes, and was relatively painless.
The PICC line had to be flushed twice a day with sodium chloride. Dad always did this for me because I couldn't do it with one hand. The dressing had to be changed once a week. Also, you can't get the PICC line wet, so at first I took baths. After about a month of baths I was ready for showers again, so my arm had to be wrapped up tight with plastic wrap and tape.
I'm just so glad it's gone!
One step closer. My next step is to try and schedule another PET scan, so we can see what's going on.
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Trials
No one knows what you're going through when you have cancer. It's not possible for anyone to understand unless they have walked there and experienced it.
Restless nights, nausea, tiredness, wearing diapers, constantly changing pads, multiple trips to the bathroom, hospice nurses, hospital visits, loneliness. There's so much to deal with each day.
I am in a fight for my life. Every day I have to win the fight. Every day I have to say NO to the darkness that tries to come. I fight by keeping the devil run off. I fight by holding every word and every thought captive. There have been days when I have felt tired of fighting. There have been days when I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again, to be with the Lord at last. But I have to fight through these things. The Lord has a work for me to do, and I've got to win this so I can go on with the work of the Lord. I was reminded just yesterday that the Joy of the Lord is my strength. In John 16, verse 33, Jesus tells His disciples that they will face tribulations in this life, but He instructs them to be of good cheer, for He has already overcome the world. Even when no earthly human being could understand where I am walking, the Lord does. He knows ALL things.
My hospice nurses shake their heads in amazement each time they come to see me. I have none of the symptoms they expected to see: swollen legs, pain, bleeding, etc. I think the Lord chuckles at those moments, because He knows what He's doing.
And so do I ;)
Restless nights, nausea, tiredness, wearing diapers, constantly changing pads, multiple trips to the bathroom, hospice nurses, hospital visits, loneliness. There's so much to deal with each day.
I am in a fight for my life. Every day I have to win the fight. Every day I have to say NO to the darkness that tries to come. I fight by keeping the devil run off. I fight by holding every word and every thought captive. There have been days when I have felt tired of fighting. There have been days when I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again, to be with the Lord at last. But I have to fight through these things. The Lord has a work for me to do, and I've got to win this so I can go on with the work of the Lord. I was reminded just yesterday that the Joy of the Lord is my strength. In John 16, verse 33, Jesus tells His disciples that they will face tribulations in this life, but He instructs them to be of good cheer, for He has already overcome the world. Even when no earthly human being could understand where I am walking, the Lord does. He knows ALL things.
My hospice nurses shake their heads in amazement each time they come to see me. I have none of the symptoms they expected to see: swollen legs, pain, bleeding, etc. I think the Lord chuckles at those moments, because He knows what He's doing.
And so do I ;)
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Looking Up
The Lord is so faithful! It's been over a month since my last blood transfusion, and it looks like I won't need one anytime soon. I am getting stronger each day, with more energy. Now I get bored during the day because there's nothing to do (smile). Just a few weeks ago it didn't matter because I just slept all the time. Now I want to go, and do.
I am not dying, I am being healed. The Lord is doing a work in me. He said He will do it, and that's what I put my trust in. His will is for healing, not death. Jesus wants only good things for His children.
So full am I! Full of the love of God, the life of God. Full of energy.
Alright Lord, what would you have me to do today?
I am not dying, I am being healed. The Lord is doing a work in me. He said He will do it, and that's what I put my trust in. His will is for healing, not death. Jesus wants only good things for His children.
So full am I! Full of the love of God, the life of God. Full of energy.
Alright Lord, what would you have me to do today?
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Death and Life
Quite a lot has happened in the month of October. The first week of the month, I was re-examined by the doctor, and told I have 6-12 weeks to live.
Hearing that brought many emotions and many thoughts, so much that I had to cry out to the Lord for peace. And there came the peace, just as He promised.
I have since made the appropriate arrangements for my funeral, which I believe is in order as I don't want my family to be burdened by such decisions. Everything is already in place and ready to go. Other members of my family went ahead and made their arrangements too, which is a very good thing.
Only the Lord knows when we will take our last breath. I do not live on the doctor's time-table. My Lord Jesus is a great healer. He holds me in His hands, and I trust Him completely. I know in my heart I will be healed.
You see, in the beginning, I had to get myself in a place where I was ready to die. I wanted to be ready spiritually, emotionally, and naturally. Now that I am ready in all these areas, I am able to focus on the Lord Jesus for healing.
It's funny really, getting a death sentence, because I've already died - to this world. And yet I've never felt more alive, now that Jesus lives within me.
Also, I've had a few opportunities to speak this month, giving my testimony to family, friends, & strangers. I've got two more speaking engagements coming up too, one at a women's church group, and another at an outreach for addicts. Wherever the Lord sends me, I am willing to go.
I don't care what the doctors say, they will see a miracle! My Lord promised, and He is ever faithful!
"No guilt in life, no fear in death
Hearing that brought many emotions and many thoughts, so much that I had to cry out to the Lord for peace. And there came the peace, just as He promised.
I have since made the appropriate arrangements for my funeral, which I believe is in order as I don't want my family to be burdened by such decisions. Everything is already in place and ready to go. Other members of my family went ahead and made their arrangements too, which is a very good thing.
Only the Lord knows when we will take our last breath. I do not live on the doctor's time-table. My Lord Jesus is a great healer. He holds me in His hands, and I trust Him completely. I know in my heart I will be healed.
You see, in the beginning, I had to get myself in a place where I was ready to die. I wanted to be ready spiritually, emotionally, and naturally. Now that I am ready in all these areas, I am able to focus on the Lord Jesus for healing.
It's funny really, getting a death sentence, because I've already died - to this world. And yet I've never felt more alive, now that Jesus lives within me.
Also, I've had a few opportunities to speak this month, giving my testimony to family, friends, & strangers. I've got two more speaking engagements coming up too, one at a women's church group, and another at an outreach for addicts. Wherever the Lord sends me, I am willing to go.
I don't care what the doctors say, they will see a miracle! My Lord promised, and He is ever faithful!
"No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand"
In Christ AloneSunday, September 28, 2014
Three Months Later
Has it really been three months?
This summer has really flown by, and so much has happened in such a short time: cancer diagnosis, doctor visits, selling the house, and moving - it's really been a whirlwind. Thank God for His presence through it all!
This week I finally found a Primary Care Physician that I can start seeing on a regular basis. This doctor was absolutely wonderful. She is a Christian, she knows about this type of cancer, and she is very supportive. She talked to me as a person, instead of a cancer patient. She respects my decision regarding treatment, and wants to concentrate on the whole body, instead of just the cancer. I will be seeing her once a month, and she has already set up for me to get blood work done every 2 weeks.
After more than a week, I am finally getting settled in my new place. We closed on the sale of my house Thursday, exactly 1 week after we moved out. Things are finally starting to settle down, and I'm getting some time to just rest. I've done lots of sleeping the last few days. :)
When looking back over the last three months, and how much has changed since my diagnosis, I'm truly blown away. I have grown much, yet I know I've got a lot more growing to do. But I am willing to be molded in whatever way the Lord needs me.
Walking with cancer these past months has not been easy - I would be lying if I said it was. But there is such a strength in the Lord, and this has been so different from what I imagined it would be in the beginning. Now, I take life on a day-by-day basis. I make plans, but I rarely look past today, because I want to live in the now, in this moment, always asking the Lord "What would You have me to do today?"
Saturday I will be speaking at the house of a friend, to give my testimony. She asked, and is opening her home, and of course I accepted. It's not everyday we Christians get opportunities to speak our hearts to people on such intimate terms as in someone's home. I cannot wait to see what the Lord is going to do!!
This summer has really flown by, and so much has happened in such a short time: cancer diagnosis, doctor visits, selling the house, and moving - it's really been a whirlwind. Thank God for His presence through it all!
This week I finally found a Primary Care Physician that I can start seeing on a regular basis. This doctor was absolutely wonderful. She is a Christian, she knows about this type of cancer, and she is very supportive. She talked to me as a person, instead of a cancer patient. She respects my decision regarding treatment, and wants to concentrate on the whole body, instead of just the cancer. I will be seeing her once a month, and she has already set up for me to get blood work done every 2 weeks.
After more than a week, I am finally getting settled in my new place. We closed on the sale of my house Thursday, exactly 1 week after we moved out. Things are finally starting to settle down, and I'm getting some time to just rest. I've done lots of sleeping the last few days. :)
When looking back over the last three months, and how much has changed since my diagnosis, I'm truly blown away. I have grown much, yet I know I've got a lot more growing to do. But I am willing to be molded in whatever way the Lord needs me.
Walking with cancer these past months has not been easy - I would be lying if I said it was. But there is such a strength in the Lord, and this has been so different from what I imagined it would be in the beginning. Now, I take life on a day-by-day basis. I make plans, but I rarely look past today, because I want to live in the now, in this moment, always asking the Lord "What would You have me to do today?"
Saturday I will be speaking at the house of a friend, to give my testimony. She asked, and is opening her home, and of course I accepted. It's not everyday we Christians get opportunities to speak our hearts to people on such intimate terms as in someone's home. I cannot wait to see what the Lord is going to do!!
Friday, September 12, 2014
Transition to a Simpler Life
The Lord is so very good! :)
Yesterday I walked through my nearly empty house, looking at what was left to be packed. I thought perhaps I would feel something, leaving what has been my home for the last two years. All I feel is excitement for where I'm going. There's an expectation of beautiful things to come from the Father.
There is a freedom that comes with simplifying your life. When you reduce or eliminate debt, you no longer have the stress of wondering how you are going to pay off that debt, or how the rest of your bills will be paid.
The question becomes: How much stuff do I really need in order to survive, and yet enjoy life? Let's look at this for a moment...
Food, shelter, clothing - these are actual necessities. Everything else is just, extra.
Now, don't misunderstand me - I'm not saying people can't have things. But how much is enough?
Americans are known for greediness, insatiable appetites, gluttony, and selfishness. Everyone wants more: newer technology, a nicer car, a bigger house, another promotion, more money, new clothes, etc. etc.
That used to be me. I craved after material things. Now I crave the things of the Lord. I want out from under all the clutter of stuff. All I want is what I need for everyday usage. This is why my new little nest is so small. I wanted to keep it simple.
I'm not saying everyone has to do what I am doing. I'm simply sharing what I am going through and how I want to live my life. But the purpose of this blog is not just to share my story, but to get everyone looking at their own lives, asking themselves questions.
So today I ask you: How much is enough?
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Diet Update
In going over my previous posts, I realized the need for an update regarding my diet. The vegetarian journey began on July 12th. Within 2 weeks, I stopped eating even Salmon & eggs. Not long after, I also stopped drinking milk. So, I've been on a vegetarian diet for approximately a month, and a semi-vegetarian diet for about 7 weeks.
Since the diet change on July 12th, I've lost 20 pounds. The only exercise I get is through my day-to-day activities and the occasional manual labor, due to my limited strength. It's very important that I listen to my body, and rest when I need to. But I do try to stay as active as possible.
Back to the diet discussion, I would be a vegan, except I haven't been able to give up broths & cheese altogether. I eat very little of either, but true vegans eat zero animal fats, so in reality I'm just a serious vegetarian. In all honesty I cannot say I will never eat meat again, but I really don't miss it. Occasionally I get a hankering for some good venison, but it's pretty fleeting. If I ever do go back to eating meat, it will likely only be seldom, and only venison or fish I catch myself, from a water source I can trust.
Before all of this, I didn't want to know about our food sources - I felt that it was better not to know. Oh, how wrong I was! Now I want to know the truth about everything! And what I have found has caused me to cease buying ALL meat & fish from the grocery store. It is not my intention to start a debate about our food supply; however, in my opinion, almost everything we eat is tainted in some way. I prefer to just stick with fruits, veggies, & nuts. I want to eat food in the most natural state possible. When I go to the grocery store, I do my best to ensure I have very few items that are "processed" (meaning, in a box, can, jar, carton, or bag). And I am sure to read the ingredients in any processed items I buy. It sounds difficult, but after a little practice, it gets much easier.
The beautiful part about eating a vegetarian diet, is that you can eat all the fruits & veggies you want, without having to count calories. Of course, I have to limit my fruit intake to keep my blood sugar low, but I usually only eat fruit for breakfast. Each week I get something different, so there's always lots of variety in my diet.
I've also continued to eat spelt or kamut bread, homemade by a lady at the local farmer's market. She grinds the grains fresh, and bakes them the day before market. SO delicious! And so healthy. I no longer eat sandwiches, so I only ever eat one piece at a time, and I eat no more than 2 per day. Some days I don't eat any bread.
Also, my hemoglobin levels are finally rising. My last blood test came back at a 10.6! It's supposed to be 12, but it was 8 after I had surgery, so it's really improved.
The only issue I experience is light-headedness if I go too long without eating. Due to my very low sugar intake, I have to eat every 1-2 hours. So I snack all day on all kinds of healthy stuff: organic granola, raw almonds, real almond butter on toast or rice cake, apples, raw broccoli/carrots/cauliflower, apricot kernels (only 7 at a time), etc.
Suppers can consist of a spinach salad, red beans & rice, steamed vegetables, baked vegetables, vegetable soup, stir-fry, veggie spaghetti with spinach noodles, etc.
I'm very eager & excited to see the effects of this diet long-term.
Since the diet change on July 12th, I've lost 20 pounds. The only exercise I get is through my day-to-day activities and the occasional manual labor, due to my limited strength. It's very important that I listen to my body, and rest when I need to. But I do try to stay as active as possible.
Back to the diet discussion, I would be a vegan, except I haven't been able to give up broths & cheese altogether. I eat very little of either, but true vegans eat zero animal fats, so in reality I'm just a serious vegetarian. In all honesty I cannot say I will never eat meat again, but I really don't miss it. Occasionally I get a hankering for some good venison, but it's pretty fleeting. If I ever do go back to eating meat, it will likely only be seldom, and only venison or fish I catch myself, from a water source I can trust.
Before all of this, I didn't want to know about our food sources - I felt that it was better not to know. Oh, how wrong I was! Now I want to know the truth about everything! And what I have found has caused me to cease buying ALL meat & fish from the grocery store. It is not my intention to start a debate about our food supply; however, in my opinion, almost everything we eat is tainted in some way. I prefer to just stick with fruits, veggies, & nuts. I want to eat food in the most natural state possible. When I go to the grocery store, I do my best to ensure I have very few items that are "processed" (meaning, in a box, can, jar, carton, or bag). And I am sure to read the ingredients in any processed items I buy. It sounds difficult, but after a little practice, it gets much easier.
The beautiful part about eating a vegetarian diet, is that you can eat all the fruits & veggies you want, without having to count calories. Of course, I have to limit my fruit intake to keep my blood sugar low, but I usually only eat fruit for breakfast. Each week I get something different, so there's always lots of variety in my diet.
I've also continued to eat spelt or kamut bread, homemade by a lady at the local farmer's market. She grinds the grains fresh, and bakes them the day before market. SO delicious! And so healthy. I no longer eat sandwiches, so I only ever eat one piece at a time, and I eat no more than 2 per day. Some days I don't eat any bread.
Also, my hemoglobin levels are finally rising. My last blood test came back at a 10.6! It's supposed to be 12, but it was 8 after I had surgery, so it's really improved.
The only issue I experience is light-headedness if I go too long without eating. Due to my very low sugar intake, I have to eat every 1-2 hours. So I snack all day on all kinds of healthy stuff: organic granola, raw almonds, real almond butter on toast or rice cake, apples, raw broccoli/carrots/cauliflower, apricot kernels (only 7 at a time), etc.
Suppers can consist of a spinach salad, red beans & rice, steamed vegetables, baked vegetables, vegetable soup, stir-fry, veggie spaghetti with spinach noodles, etc.
I'm very eager & excited to see the effects of this diet long-term.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Sidewalk Prophets
I love this song! The words are what is important, so I've posted them here. From my heart to yours...
"The Words I Would Say"
Performed by Sidewalk Prophets
It's Three in the morning
and I'm still awake
so I picked up a pen and a page.
And I started writing
just what I'd say
if we were face to face
I'd tell you just what you mean to me
Tell you these simple truths
Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope.
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got his hand on you so
don't live life in fear
forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say
Last time we spoke
you said you were hurting
and I felt your pain in my heart
I want you to know
that I keep on praying
Love will find you where you are
I know 'cause I've already been there
So just hear these simple truths
Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope.
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got his hand on you so
don't live life in fear
forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say
From one simple life to another
I will say
Come find peace in the Father
Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope.
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got his hand on you so
don't live life in fear
forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
Thank God for each day
His love will find a way
These are the words I would say.
and I'm still awake
so I picked up a pen and a page.
And I started writing
just what I'd say
if we were face to face
I'd tell you just what you mean to me
Tell you these simple truths
Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope.
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got his hand on you so
don't live life in fear
forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say
Last time we spoke
you said you were hurting
and I felt your pain in my heart
I want you to know
that I keep on praying
Love will find you where you are
I know 'cause I've already been there
So just hear these simple truths
Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope.
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got his hand on you so
don't live life in fear
forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
These are the words I would say
From one simple life to another
I will say
Come find peace in the Father
Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope.
You're gonna do great things
I already know
God's got his hand on you so
don't live life in fear
forgive and forget
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray
Thank God for each day
His love will find a way
These are the words I would say.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
End of an Era
Yesterday marked the end of an era for me. After 6 and a 1/2 years, I left my job in Atlanta. I started working there at the ripe age of 21, and much has happened in my life since that day. SC played a major role in my life, and it was hard to let it go, but I knew it was time.
Getting out of debt and eliminating stress is allowing me to work part-time, so I had to choose which job I wanted more. My non-profit work is rewarding, pretty well stress-free, and allows me to meet new people and enjoy various experiences I would otherwise not have.
The Atlanta job was remote, which was very convenient; however, I am also moving, and my new home does not allow for a work-from-home deal. And I must be honest, I couldn't handle the work anymore.
It was a fairly simple decision. The difficult part was saying goodbye to something that was an important part of my life for so many years, not to mention the wonderful people I worked with during that time.
After working my last shift from home on Tuesday, I drove down to Atlanta yesterday to turn in my badge & equipment, and to say goodbye. Life being what it is, I knew in my heart I likely wouldn't see these people ever again, with the exception of a precious few. So I made my rounds, and gave them what was in my heart. There was nothing to lose anymore, and so there was no fear of rejection. Each and every one of them is precious in the sight of God, but He wants them to KNOW Him: His love & mercy, His life, who He is. Time is short, and we are not guaranteed tomorrow. This is the message I tried my best to convey to those I spoke with.
Until you walk in a place like this, you just don't realize this life is temporary, and that there is eternity after this short experience. Death is an idea to most people; it's not real. To me, death is very real, but mortality is not something to fear. If we are where we should be with the Lord, death can be beautiful, and something to look forward to.
So I walked into that building for the last time, and I can only pray the presence of the Lord remained when I walked out that door. He is inside of me, and HE is what I want to leave behind wherever I go, like a footprint in the sand.
The end of one chapter, and the beginning of the next...
Getting out of debt and eliminating stress is allowing me to work part-time, so I had to choose which job I wanted more. My non-profit work is rewarding, pretty well stress-free, and allows me to meet new people and enjoy various experiences I would otherwise not have.
The Atlanta job was remote, which was very convenient; however, I am also moving, and my new home does not allow for a work-from-home deal. And I must be honest, I couldn't handle the work anymore.
It was a fairly simple decision. The difficult part was saying goodbye to something that was an important part of my life for so many years, not to mention the wonderful people I worked with during that time.
After working my last shift from home on Tuesday, I drove down to Atlanta yesterday to turn in my badge & equipment, and to say goodbye. Life being what it is, I knew in my heart I likely wouldn't see these people ever again, with the exception of a precious few. So I made my rounds, and gave them what was in my heart. There was nothing to lose anymore, and so there was no fear of rejection. Each and every one of them is precious in the sight of God, but He wants them to KNOW Him: His love & mercy, His life, who He is. Time is short, and we are not guaranteed tomorrow. This is the message I tried my best to convey to those I spoke with.
Until you walk in a place like this, you just don't realize this life is temporary, and that there is eternity after this short experience. Death is an idea to most people; it's not real. To me, death is very real, but mortality is not something to fear. If we are where we should be with the Lord, death can be beautiful, and something to look forward to.
So I walked into that building for the last time, and I can only pray the presence of the Lord remained when I walked out that door. He is inside of me, and HE is what I want to leave behind wherever I go, like a footprint in the sand.
The end of one chapter, and the beginning of the next...
He Said, She Said...
I wanted to
use this post to share some of my favorite quotes. My FAVORITE quotes are scriptures, but these rank a close second...
ENJOY! :)
"Life's
not about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the
rain!"
-Vivian
Greene
“When Christ
calls a man, he bids him come and die.”
-Dietrich
Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship
“Silence in
the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak
is to speak. Not to act is to act.”
-Dietrich
Bonhoeffer
“Time is the
most valuable thing that we have, because it is the most irrevocable.”
-Dietrich
Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison
“The
ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and
convenience, but where he stands at a time of challenge and controversy.”
-Dr. Martin
Luther King Jr.
“Feed your
faith and your fears will starve to death.”
-Anonymous
“Oh, my
friend, it’s not what they take away from you that counts — it’s what you do
with what you have left.”
-Hubert
Humphrey
“Fear can
keep us up all night long, but faith makes one fine pillow.”
-Philip
Gulley
"The
most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known
suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the
depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding
of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.
Beautiful people do not just happen."
-Elizabeth
Kubler Ross
"What
Cancer Cannot Do"
Cancer is so
limited...
It cannot
cripple love
It cannot
shatter hope
It cannot
corrode faith
It cannot
destroy peace
It cannot
kill friendship
It cannot
suppress memories
It cannot
silence courage
It cannot
invade the soul
It cannot
steal eternal life
It cannot
conquer the spirit"
-Author
Unknown
"I do not live each day expecting to die, but I live each day as though I were going to."
-Charity A. Adams :)
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Moving Forward
My last visit with the oncologist went very well. She explained where the cancer showed up on the scan, and what my options were: radiation combined with chemotherapy for 5-6 weeks. Surgery is not even an option at this point.
Next, I explained to her why I couldn't go through with such treatment, because my body belongs to God. Knowing what I know, in the spirit and in the natural, I cannot put that poison in my body. After thorough research, I went to the Lord with it, and felt no peace about taking the treatments offered. When I made the decision to forego treatment, I felt an overwhelming peace. This I explained to her, and ministered to her about my relationship with the Father, and the work He has for me to do. She said she respected my decision, and that was it.
I do not expect to die, I expect to live. However, I want to live as though I were going to die very soon. Going through the motions isn't going to cut it anymore. I want to serve my Lord with everything that I am and all that I have. Cancer has no place in the plans my Heavenly Father has for me.
I'm doing what I know to do in the natural: eating healthy & staying active, keeping away from the foods that feed cancer. That is in order, though the healing doesn't come through that. I'm simply helping my immune system do what the Lord created it to do. The healing comes from the Father, and Him alone.
Moving forward, I will keep pressing on and do the work He called me to do. The time is short - we are living in the last days. I want to get to as many people as possible.
Alright Lord, where are we going today?
Next, I explained to her why I couldn't go through with such treatment, because my body belongs to God. Knowing what I know, in the spirit and in the natural, I cannot put that poison in my body. After thorough research, I went to the Lord with it, and felt no peace about taking the treatments offered. When I made the decision to forego treatment, I felt an overwhelming peace. This I explained to her, and ministered to her about my relationship with the Father, and the work He has for me to do. She said she respected my decision, and that was it.
I do not expect to die, I expect to live. However, I want to live as though I were going to die very soon. Going through the motions isn't going to cut it anymore. I want to serve my Lord with everything that I am and all that I have. Cancer has no place in the plans my Heavenly Father has for me.
I'm doing what I know to do in the natural: eating healthy & staying active, keeping away from the foods that feed cancer. That is in order, though the healing doesn't come through that. I'm simply helping my immune system do what the Lord created it to do. The healing comes from the Father, and Him alone.
Moving forward, I will keep pressing on and do the work He called me to do. The time is short - we are living in the last days. I want to get to as many people as possible.
Alright Lord, where are we going today?
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
TEST Results
Wow! What an eventful few days it
has been! A lot has happened since my consultation last Thursday. I've been
truly tested in many ways since all of this began. But now I'm in a place to
lose everything, as far as material things go.
First, I got a signed contract for the sale of my house! We are set to close on September 8th.
Second, I have sold almost all my chickens, along with other things I didn't want or need. I still have lots of little stuff for sale, but most of that will go in the yard sale I'll be having before I move.
Third, I put in my notice with my second job, the company I have been with for over 6 years. I'm done with all the stress of work, work, work. There's nothing in it for me anymore. I no longer have a drive for THAT kind of work.
And last, but certainly not least, I've experienced the Holy Ghost in a way I've never felt before. It's like I have a knowing that my time is short, however long that actually comes to be. There is an urgency in me, and it won't go away. The fire of the Lord is upon me.
I went back to Atlanta for my PET scan on Monday. This afternoon the Oncologist called to give me the results: the tumor is approximately 5-6 cm wide, and it has spread to the surrounding tissues as well as some of my pelvic lymph nodes. She will discuss this further with me when I go to see her on Monday morning.
This was not the news I wanted to hear, but it doesn't even matter. I am in a good place with the Lord, and it's a win-win for me. If I receive a miracle, that's great. If not, I get to go home to be with the Jesus my Lord! Either way, I now know my time is short, whether I live 6 months, 6 years, or 60 years. I have a work to do with the Lord right now, and I refuse to waste another minute!
In your prayers for me, simply pray that I will preach the Word and the Truth with BOLDNESS to all who will hear it. That's all I want.
First, I got a signed contract for the sale of my house! We are set to close on September 8th.
Second, I have sold almost all my chickens, along with other things I didn't want or need. I still have lots of little stuff for sale, but most of that will go in the yard sale I'll be having before I move.
Third, I put in my notice with my second job, the company I have been with for over 6 years. I'm done with all the stress of work, work, work. There's nothing in it for me anymore. I no longer have a drive for THAT kind of work.
And last, but certainly not least, I've experienced the Holy Ghost in a way I've never felt before. It's like I have a knowing that my time is short, however long that actually comes to be. There is an urgency in me, and it won't go away. The fire of the Lord is upon me.
I went back to Atlanta for my PET scan on Monday. This afternoon the Oncologist called to give me the results: the tumor is approximately 5-6 cm wide, and it has spread to the surrounding tissues as well as some of my pelvic lymph nodes. She will discuss this further with me when I go to see her on Monday morning.
This was not the news I wanted to hear, but it doesn't even matter. I am in a good place with the Lord, and it's a win-win for me. If I receive a miracle, that's great. If not, I get to go home to be with the Jesus my Lord! Either way, I now know my time is short, whether I live 6 months, 6 years, or 60 years. I have a work to do with the Lord right now, and I refuse to waste another minute!
In your prayers for me, simply pray that I will preach the Word and the Truth with BOLDNESS to all who will hear it. That's all I want.
The beauty of all this is knowing I'm ready to go, both to the
mission field, and to Jesus. That is the true test, and the results are in! :)
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Consultation
Thursday I went to Atlanta for my consultation with a GYN Oncologist. She did a basic exam, and talked to me about the next step, which is a PET scan. I'll be going back Monday for that scan. After that, I'll have a follow-up with the Dr within a week for her to give me the results of the scan, as well as her recommendation on how to proceed with "treatment." As I have already stated, I will not submit to chemotherapy. The Lord will not allow me to, and I don't want it. I have not decided whether or not I would agree to surgery (radial hysterectomy). I am seeking the Lord, and I will only do it if I feel a peace about it. Peace always comes when I make a decision according to the Lord's desire.
The results of the exam: She could clearly see the large mass coming from the cervix. From her assessment, it doesn't look like it has spread outside that immediate area. The PET scan will show if there is anything else in my body. I had originally thought my GYN had removed the entire mass during the D&C surgery, but that was incorrect. She only removed part of it. The oncologist will officially "stage" the cancer once she has evaluated the results of the scan.
The oncologist told me this is an aggressive cancer, which can spread quickly. Well, I serve a mighty God, and He can be pretty firm & aggressive when it comes to healing the sick and casting out demons. I know this from my own experience, and what my eyes have witnessed.
I have no fear of cancer, nor do I fear dying. I KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt, that when I die I will be with Jesus. However, I don't want to leave this world in this way, by sickness. I'd rather die a martyr, or an old woman asleep in her bed. I know that my God heals, and that He withholds nothing good & holy from those that belong to Him.
To everyone who reads this: You are all precious to the Lord, and He wants each of you all for Himself.
I want to put a very important question to each of you, for you to ponder when you are alone:. Do you know Jesus?
I mean really KNOW Him? Is He truly LORD and MASTER of your life? Do you consult Him about every decision you make? Do you talk to Him throughout the day? Do you act like Him, & talk like Him?
Before this experience, I never had a real relationship with the Heavenly Father. Coming so close to death as I did, and as I am now, has opened my eyes. I see things very clearly. There is an urgency in me now, that I've never felt before. There is an urgency to get to people to tell them the Truth about Jesus, that He alone can save them and deliver them from the hell they are putting themselves in. There is a strength in me, that I know is not my own, but that of God! There is a holy fear in me, for people who are lost. There is a strong desire in me now, to be Holy, to be separate from the world. I belong to God, and I can't look like, act like, eat like, or sound like the world.
Please, search out your hearts, seek your salvation with fear & trembling. You are not promised tomorrow. You do not know if your soul will be required of you this day. DO NOT WAIT. You may never get a chance to make right, to deal with the darkness of your past. DO IT NOW!!
The Lord is patiently waiting for you, but there will come a day when He will wait no longer, and He will come back for His people.
I love you all, and I fear God too much to NOT tell you the truth that is burning in my heart.
Lord Bless You all with His mercy and LIFE!
Friday, August 1, 2014
Changes
Amazing how one moment can change your life forever.
Ever since I was diagnosed with cancer, everything has changed. My eyes see the world differently. The desires of my heart have altered. My soul has been stirred in a way I never thought possible.
As I mentioned in my last post, I hate debt. It is a noose around my neck. I want free from it, and I have an opportunity to do so.
Before all this happened, I had my house up for sale. Within 2 weeks I had 2 buyers! One fell through, and the other offered me a contract. All I had to do was sign the contract, but then I got sick and everything was put on hold. The couple patiently waited over the last month as I went through this process.
Now, I am moving forward with the sale of my house. I'm waiting for the updated contract to sign; however, I've already begun selling furniture in anticipation of moving. I'm packing up what I want to keep, and I'm selling the rest.
Here's the plan: A close friend of ours has a place with about an acre of land, out in the country, but still close to where I work. Most of the land is woods. He has offered to let Dad and I build us each a little 1-room cabin on his property. This way, each of us will have our own space, and we'll only be in his house to wash clothes, take a shower, and eat our evening meals with him. He is offering willingly, and I am accepting gratefully.
You see, I don't want to get back in debt, not for a car or a house. Our friend's place is paid for, so there are only the utilities and taxes to be concerned with. Those I will split with him, to help ease the burden on him in exchange for him allowing us to live there.
I'm excited about the changes that are coming. Stuff is no longer important to me, and I can't wait to be free of it, so that I can get out there and minister to people. That's what I was made for, to minister, not to work myself to death and be in bondage for a house and transportation.
So, I ask you, what drives you? What are you working, slaving, and breathing for? What is most important to you in this life, this temporary life?
Ever since I was diagnosed with cancer, everything has changed. My eyes see the world differently. The desires of my heart have altered. My soul has been stirred in a way I never thought possible.
As I mentioned in my last post, I hate debt. It is a noose around my neck. I want free from it, and I have an opportunity to do so.
Before all this happened, I had my house up for sale. Within 2 weeks I had 2 buyers! One fell through, and the other offered me a contract. All I had to do was sign the contract, but then I got sick and everything was put on hold. The couple patiently waited over the last month as I went through this process.
Now, I am moving forward with the sale of my house. I'm waiting for the updated contract to sign; however, I've already begun selling furniture in anticipation of moving. I'm packing up what I want to keep, and I'm selling the rest.
Here's the plan: A close friend of ours has a place with about an acre of land, out in the country, but still close to where I work. Most of the land is woods. He has offered to let Dad and I build us each a little 1-room cabin on his property. This way, each of us will have our own space, and we'll only be in his house to wash clothes, take a shower, and eat our evening meals with him. He is offering willingly, and I am accepting gratefully.
You see, I don't want to get back in debt, not for a car or a house. Our friend's place is paid for, so there are only the utilities and taxes to be concerned with. Those I will split with him, to help ease the burden on him in exchange for him allowing us to live there.
I'm excited about the changes that are coming. Stuff is no longer important to me, and I can't wait to be free of it, so that I can get out there and minister to people. That's what I was made for, to minister, not to work myself to death and be in bondage for a house and transportation.
So, I ask you, what drives you? What are you working, slaving, and breathing for? What is most important to you in this life, this temporary life?
Monday, July 28, 2014
Denied
Well, last week the battle with Medicaid was completed. They will not cover me for June, due to my income having been above their threshold during that month.
At first, I was upset. I got hit. But I cried out to the Lord to help me, and there came the peace, just as He promised.
"Ask, and you shall receive. Seek & you shall find. Knock, and it will be open to you." That's what that scripture is talking about. Not material things. When we ask for His will in His name, it will be given. His will is love, mercy, peace, kindness, gentleness, patience, self-control, repentance & forgiveness, holiness, deliverance.
Who cares about unpaid medical bills? Yes, they must be paid. I will do what I must to take care of that debt. I hate debt. Debt is a plague. The Lord said to owe no man anything, except love. Proverbs said the borrower is a slave to the lender.
Well, I am tired of being a slave. I am tired of working all the time just to make ends meet. Enough is enough! I'm sick of just surviving. I want to LIVE! I want to give myself to the work of the Lord.
So, Lord, what is my next move? What would YOU have me to do?
At first, I was upset. I got hit. But I cried out to the Lord to help me, and there came the peace, just as He promised.
"Ask, and you shall receive. Seek & you shall find. Knock, and it will be open to you." That's what that scripture is talking about. Not material things. When we ask for His will in His name, it will be given. His will is love, mercy, peace, kindness, gentleness, patience, self-control, repentance & forgiveness, holiness, deliverance.
Who cares about unpaid medical bills? Yes, they must be paid. I will do what I must to take care of that debt. I hate debt. Debt is a plague. The Lord said to owe no man anything, except love. Proverbs said the borrower is a slave to the lender.
Well, I am tired of being a slave. I am tired of working all the time just to make ends meet. Enough is enough! I'm sick of just surviving. I want to LIVE! I want to give myself to the work of the Lord.
So, Lord, what is my next move? What would YOU have me to do?
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Complications
So, I got a letter from Medicaid stating that because my official "diagnosis date" is in July, they will not cover any expenses incurred in June.
Huh?
"Oh, and your case is closed, because our records show you have private health insurance, so your medicaid coverage will end on August 31st."
Huh?
And so begins another long string of phone calls to various people, trying to get this mess sorted out. When dealing with the world system, nothing is ever easy or straightforward.
*sigh*
Ok, you can do this! Correction - the Lord in you can do this!
Yes, yes He can.
Huh?
"Oh, and your case is closed, because our records show you have private health insurance, so your medicaid coverage will end on August 31st."
Huh?
And so begins another long string of phone calls to various people, trying to get this mess sorted out. When dealing with the world system, nothing is ever easy or straightforward.
*sigh*
Ok, you can do this! Correction - the Lord in you can do this!
Yes, yes He can.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
My Theme Song
The first time I ever heard this song on the radio, I fell head over heels in love with the music and lyrics. This song sums up my daily prayer exactly! Every time I listen to this song I can feel the Lord's arms around me, holding me close. Such joy!
It's even closer to my heart now, walking through this & knowing how much I need the Lord every hour, and every step of the way.
This is by far my favorite version: sung acoustic by Matt Maher & Audrey Assad
Enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaVPupbNFAo
It's even closer to my heart now, walking through this & knowing how much I need the Lord every hour, and every step of the way.
This is by far my favorite version: sung acoustic by Matt Maher & Audrey Assad
Enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaVPupbNFAo
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Good News!
After two and a half weeks of research, phone calls, confusion, and exhaustion, I finally had a breakthrough today! I know what hospital I'm going to AND I got approved for medicaid!
It's a very long story, but basically I found out that Breast & Cervical cancer patients can get approved for medicaid immediately through their local Health Department, as long as you meet the financial requirements.
The Health Department is telling me it is supposed to go back 3 months for coverage, which means all my hospital bills from June should be covered. My portion of the hospital bills were way more than I could afford, so this is such a relief and a blessing!!
Whew! Thank You Jesus!
As I write this, I'm very tired. This has been a stressful process, time consuming, with lots of uncertainty. But now that this important task is completed, I can make my appointment in Atlanta to see an Oncologist, and to get some further tests done. That will be done first thing in the morning.
Goodnight all! :)
It's a very long story, but basically I found out that Breast & Cervical cancer patients can get approved for medicaid immediately through their local Health Department, as long as you meet the financial requirements.
The Health Department is telling me it is supposed to go back 3 months for coverage, which means all my hospital bills from June should be covered. My portion of the hospital bills were way more than I could afford, so this is such a relief and a blessing!!
Whew! Thank You Jesus!
As I write this, I'm very tired. This has been a stressful process, time consuming, with lots of uncertainty. But now that this important task is completed, I can make my appointment in Atlanta to see an Oncologist, and to get some further tests done. That will be done first thing in the morning.
Goodnight all! :)
Answers
Before I ever heard my diagnosis, I already knew Chemo & Radiation were out of the question. This is where I may shock and offend people, though I am not meaning to. I simply don't believe in either treatments, and I truly believe these so-called "treatments" are actually what is killing most people with cancer.
My question is this: How is your body supposed to fight the disease when the treatments are killing your immune system?
Well, the answer is, it can't.
I did find one very important truth in all my googling: Diet can cause cancer & diet can kill cancer.
Almost everything I was eating was DEAD food, processed & full of preservatives. Corn starch, high fructose corn syrup, MSG, added sugars, etc. DEAD FOOD! Zero nutrients! And some of those ingredients have been directly linked to cancer. And those foods were certainly not doing my immune system any favors.
Being diagnosed with cancer has been a wake-up call in more ways than one. All my research has led me to change my diet - permanently!
For 30 days, starting Saturday July 12th, I am eating a vegetarian diet. The only exceptions are wild-caught salmon once a week, farm eggs, and raw cows milk. I'm cutting out all processed foods with harmful carcinogenic ingredients. I'm cutting out sugar, with the exception of raw honey in my coffee. I'm eating lots of raw veggies and fruits, and as much gluten-free products as possible.
After that, I will start to incorporate venison back into my diet, but only once a week going forward. We also raise our own chickens, so I'll be eating that occasionally, around 2-3 times a month.
You see, when I look back, I can see that the cancer was making me sick several months back. In March, I got violently ill twice within 2 weeks, both times after eating junk food like movie theatre popcorn & pizza at the buffet. It was my body telling me something was wrong and to stop eating that poisonous food!
After only a few days on this new regimen, I am sleeping better than ever, my digestive system is cleaning itself out, and I have lost 10 pounds! (always a bonus) :)
I'm also taking a few natural supplements, but it's my diet that will really help my body fight this cancer. If I do my part, the Lord will do His part.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
The Background Story
I feel it's important for people to know the back story, how I got to this point. In hindsight I now realize there were so many signs that I ignored, my body screaming at me that something was wrong.
I had experienced heavy bleeding for 3 weeks when I went to my local health department to seek help. The only result of that visit was an "unsatisfactory" Pap Smear and a suggestion from the nurse to start taking birth control.
Over the next month, the bleeding continued, and large clots starting coming out. I felt tired all the time. I was going to bed early almost every night, but had trouble sleeping. Then came a terrible ache in my neck and upper back, along with trouble breathing & severe headaches. About 2 weeks later, I woke up one morning feeling nauseated and dizzy. I almost passed out going to feed the chickens. My heart was beating like I had just run a marathon, and I seriously thought I was about to have a heart attack. Soon after, I went to see a GYN at the local women's clinic. After an ultrasound and blood tests, they sent me straight to the hospital, due to a critically low blood level of 5.4, for a blood transfusion. About 36 hours & 2 units of blood later, I was released, stating my blood level was stable at 7.9.
Six days later, I went for a follow-up. My Dr. & I both agreed the best course of action was for her to perform a D&C (Dilation and Curettage). She was at a loss as to how to treat me until the bleeding was stopped. She scheduled it for the next day. I didn't sleep well that night, and felt very weak the next morning. At the hospital for surgery, my blood test now showed a level of 5.1. I had to get another 2 units of blood before they would let me go back to surgery. I received a third unit on my way into surgery.
While in surgery, the doctor found the tumor, growing downward from my cervix. The tumor was full of blood, which is where all the bleeding was coming from. She said it started to fall apart in her hands. The Dr. took a biopsy of the tumor and had it sent off for testing.... Cancer.
So here I am, in my late 20's, being told I have cervical cancer. "squamous cell carcinoma with lymphoepithelioma qualities."
And here is where I started doing LOTS of research. This is something I highly recommend. I refuse to be ignorant and let the Drs have control over this situation. It's my body, and it belongs to the Lord.
I had experienced heavy bleeding for 3 weeks when I went to my local health department to seek help. The only result of that visit was an "unsatisfactory" Pap Smear and a suggestion from the nurse to start taking birth control.
Over the next month, the bleeding continued, and large clots starting coming out. I felt tired all the time. I was going to bed early almost every night, but had trouble sleeping. Then came a terrible ache in my neck and upper back, along with trouble breathing & severe headaches. About 2 weeks later, I woke up one morning feeling nauseated and dizzy. I almost passed out going to feed the chickens. My heart was beating like I had just run a marathon, and I seriously thought I was about to have a heart attack. Soon after, I went to see a GYN at the local women's clinic. After an ultrasound and blood tests, they sent me straight to the hospital, due to a critically low blood level of 5.4, for a blood transfusion. About 36 hours & 2 units of blood later, I was released, stating my blood level was stable at 7.9.
Six days later, I went for a follow-up. My Dr. & I both agreed the best course of action was for her to perform a D&C (Dilation and Curettage). She was at a loss as to how to treat me until the bleeding was stopped. She scheduled it for the next day. I didn't sleep well that night, and felt very weak the next morning. At the hospital for surgery, my blood test now showed a level of 5.1. I had to get another 2 units of blood before they would let me go back to surgery. I received a third unit on my way into surgery.
While in surgery, the doctor found the tumor, growing downward from my cervix. The tumor was full of blood, which is where all the bleeding was coming from. She said it started to fall apart in her hands. The Dr. took a biopsy of the tumor and had it sent off for testing.... Cancer.
So here I am, in my late 20's, being told I have cervical cancer. "squamous cell carcinoma with lymphoepithelioma qualities."
And here is where I started doing LOTS of research. This is something I highly recommend. I refuse to be ignorant and let the Drs have control over this situation. It's my body, and it belongs to the Lord.
Diagnosis
On June 27th, just 2 short weeks ago, I was told I have cervical cancer. The "C" word. So ugly, cruel in its suggestiveness. The shock comes, along with the racing thoughts: "I'm too young." "How did this happen?"
And then come the tears, the despair, the hopelessness.
For me, though, those emotions only lasted a few moments. Quickly I got myself together and remembered, as if I could ever forget, that I have Jesus Christ living in me, as my Lord and Savior! He alone can see me through this and ultimately heal me.
And then came the peace. Sweet heavenly peace, like a warm blanket.
I am writing this blog to share my experience, my testimony, in hopes that it will help someone else who is going through this. A testimony is a powerful thing, and should be told as much as possible.
My journey has only just begun, but I want to share it as I go along.
And then come the tears, the despair, the hopelessness.
For me, though, those emotions only lasted a few moments. Quickly I got myself together and remembered, as if I could ever forget, that I have Jesus Christ living in me, as my Lord and Savior! He alone can see me through this and ultimately heal me.
And then came the peace. Sweet heavenly peace, like a warm blanket.
I am writing this blog to share my experience, my testimony, in hopes that it will help someone else who is going through this. A testimony is a powerful thing, and should be told as much as possible.
My journey has only just begun, but I want to share it as I go along.
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