Trials

No one knows what you're going through when you have cancer. It's not possible for anyone to understand unless they have walked there and experienced it.

Restless nights, nausea, tiredness, wearing diapers, constantly changing pads, multiple trips to the bathroom, hospice nurses, hospital visits, loneliness. There's so much to deal with each day.

I am in a fight for my life. Every day I have to win the fight. Every day I have to say NO to the darkness that tries to come. I fight by keeping the devil run off. I fight by holding every word and every thought captive. There have been days when I have felt tired of fighting. There have been days when I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again, to be with the Lord at last. But I have to fight through these things. The Lord has a work for me to do, and I've got to win this so I can go on with the work of the Lord. I was reminded just yesterday that the Joy of the Lord is my strength. In John 16, verse 33, Jesus tells His disciples that they will face tribulations in this life, but He instructs them to be of good cheer, for He has already overcome the world. Even when no earthly human being could understand where I am walking, the Lord does. He knows ALL things.

My hospice nurses shake their heads in amazement each time they come to see me. I have none of the symptoms they expected to see: swollen legs, pain, bleeding, etc. I think the Lord chuckles at those moments, because He knows what He's doing.

And so do I ;)