A Move

So yesterday we had a family get-together to celebrate my grandpa's 70th birthday. By the end of this party, it was decided that I would go live with my grandparents for a while. The bottom line is I need a woman around, to help with things like getting out of the bathtub. Plus this way I would have my own bathroom, which will be a huge help. This will also bring me closer to my other grandparents, who only live about 10 miles from where I'll be staying.

I don't know how long this arrangement will be for, but frankly I'm preparing myself in the event I don't get any better. In the last two weeks, I've seen a steady decline in my physical strength, to where I have a very hard time getting up from any kind of sitting, kneeling, or lying position. Yesterday at the party, I had to get my grandma to help lift me off the toilet, because I couldn't get up on my own. My legs feel like lead sometimes.

As I keep telling everyone, I'm not giving up, but I can't deny what's going on with my body, and how weak I am getting. I'm glad I cancelled hospice, because I'd rather have my family taking care of me at the end, instead of a stranger. Funeral arrangements were completed last fall, so all that's left for me to do now is make sure Dad knows what to do with all the little things. Plus, I have some letters I want to write, to be given out in the event of my death.

It's been quite an emotional week, but I feel better about the move and getting my affairs in order, so that I can rest and be at peace. I think a change of scenery will do me some good, and having women around will definitely help. I look forward to seeing what the Lord does these next few weeks and months.

Hard

Well, the last two weeks have pretty rough. I'm not sleeping well, I've been vomiting again, my pulse spikes way up if I try to do anything, and then last night I bled again. I haven't bled since October, but there it was, plain as day in the toilet. My blood levels are already very low. I can't afford to lose any more blood. And I don't want to go through any more blood transfusions if I can help it.

Noodles are about the only thing that settles good in my stomach, so I've been eating lots of frozen fettuccine alfredo, and today added macaroni and cheese to the mix. Plus I'm on a weird schedule, where I eat some fruit around 8am, noodles around 10am, then supper around 4pm. My digestive system moves rather slow, so I like eating supper early because I'm less likely to throw up any food later at night.

Other than all this, my mind is good and strong, my spirit is strong, it's just my body that is weak. I just hate being unable to do things. Standing for too long zaps my energy, so I can't cook or wash dishes. I can fold clothes if I'm sitting down. Whatever I'm doing, I have to stop and rest every minute or two, because my high heart rate makes me so out of breath.

Everything is just so hard for me, and it's difficult for me to deal with. I wish I had a woman to talk to. But I can't complain. The guys do their best to take care of me.

Well, tomorrow is a new day.

My love to all!