So much has happened since my last post, per usual.
Things got pretty bad for about a week.I was in severe pain, I wasn't eating, and I was very weak. I thought I was going to die, and in fact I wanted to die. I had lost the will to live. There was so much heaviness, and the spirit of death was very real.
Everything has since changed. My body is still very weak from being in bed so long, but I have to fight through the pain so that I can walk again. I'm done with being sick, but it's up to me to get out of bed and fight. The more I get up and move, the easier it gets. I'm now able to get around without the walker, and I am trying to stay out of bed all day.
As I submit to Him, the Lord is delivering me of the bondage I have been under this last year. All I want is to obey the Lord and His word. I give Him all control over my life.
This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it! Praise God for His ultimate mercy and compassion!
Friday, April 17, 2015
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Book Talk
Today I started reading a new book, a gift from someone who knows me well! :) This book is very moving, and I can't wait to finish it. The author is a man named Tom Doyle.
The title of the book is Killing Christians: Living the Faith Where It's Not Safe to Believe
Catchy, right?
Wow. As a true believer, I am appalled, though not surprised, at what my brothers and sisters are going through in other countries, especially in Africa and the Middle East. Still, this book makes me think, it makes me look at myself, which I believe is one of the main purposes of the book.
The following are excerpts from the book, words from a Christian who lives in Syria:
"I used to think I lived a life of sacrifice, but that changed when the war broke out. Although Syria has so few believers that there was danger before, I did not really know what it means to sacrifice. What I thought was sacrifice was actually just inconvenience."
"There is remarkable freedom in having no expectations, no plans for tomorrow. The question I and many others start every day with is this: "Jesus, what do You have planned for me and my family?" Only today matters. Only how I live for Jesus counts. Everything else is superficial. When I hand over my life to my Lord, knowing each day may be my last one on this earth, I am more at peace than ever before."
"Is your life about Jesus and nothing else? When you may die at any moment, it has to be that way, but we're ALL called to live only for Him, no matter what. Although Paul once sacrificed Christians, he met Jesus, gave up all his "rights" and made himself a living sacrifice. Once you live like this, you grasp the most profound fulfillment possible in life."
If THAT isn't thought-provoking to you, then you really need to look at yourself and check your heart.
The title of the book is Killing Christians: Living the Faith Where It's Not Safe to Believe
Catchy, right?
Wow. As a true believer, I am appalled, though not surprised, at what my brothers and sisters are going through in other countries, especially in Africa and the Middle East. Still, this book makes me think, it makes me look at myself, which I believe is one of the main purposes of the book.
The following are excerpts from the book, words from a Christian who lives in Syria:
"I used to think I lived a life of sacrifice, but that changed when the war broke out. Although Syria has so few believers that there was danger before, I did not really know what it means to sacrifice. What I thought was sacrifice was actually just inconvenience."
"There is remarkable freedom in having no expectations, no plans for tomorrow. The question I and many others start every day with is this: "Jesus, what do You have planned for me and my family?" Only today matters. Only how I live for Jesus counts. Everything else is superficial. When I hand over my life to my Lord, knowing each day may be my last one on this earth, I am more at peace than ever before."
"Is your life about Jesus and nothing else? When you may die at any moment, it has to be that way, but we're ALL called to live only for Him, no matter what. Although Paul once sacrificed Christians, he met Jesus, gave up all his "rights" and made himself a living sacrifice. Once you live like this, you grasp the most profound fulfillment possible in life."
If THAT isn't thought-provoking to you, then you really need to look at yourself and check your heart.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
A New Day
A lot has happened since my last post. A few days after I moved in, my feet started to swell, then my legs. After making sure it wasn't a blood clot, I was told it was fluid buildup, put on a water pill, and told to keep my legs elevated to try and drain the fluid.
Around this time I decided to get back on hospice. This time I have a great nurse.
I went downhill pretty quickly. I could barely walk, I was constantly in pain, I was throwing up whatever I ate, and my pulse kept shooting up so high I couldn't breathe. I was ready to give up, and I just wanted to go home to the Lord.
Around this time I decided to get back on hospice. This time I have a great nurse.
I went downhill pretty quickly. I could barely walk, I was constantly in pain, I was throwing up whatever I ate, and my pulse kept shooting up so high I couldn't breathe. I was ready to give up, and I just wanted to go home to the Lord.
Then, a week ago, something happened to me. A fight rose up in me
like I've never felt before, like a fire. It's like I
woke up from a coma or something. I prayed to the Lord like never
before, and I told Him I wanted to LIVE. I laid hands on my own body and
commanded it to line up with God's word.
This cancer is NOT going to take me! I'm too young, and the Lord has work for me to do.
It's been an amazing week! I can already feel the difference in my body. I've been getting out of bed and walking down the hallway without any help! I'm bathing on my own too! I'm taking it day by day, kind of like physical therapy, and I will keep doing a little more each day.
I've got a joy now that I didn't have before. I'm going to walk out of this thing, and you all are going to witness a miracle. I'm going to live and preach and do exactly what the Lord commands. I'm so excited!
This cancer is NOT going to take me! I'm too young, and the Lord has work for me to do.
It's been an amazing week! I can already feel the difference in my body. I've been getting out of bed and walking down the hallway without any help! I'm bathing on my own too! I'm taking it day by day, kind of like physical therapy, and I will keep doing a little more each day.
I've got a joy now that I didn't have before. I'm going to walk out of this thing, and you all are going to witness a miracle. I'm going to live and preach and do exactly what the Lord commands. I'm so excited!
Monday, February 16, 2015
A Move
So yesterday we had a family get-together to celebrate my grandpa's 70th birthday. By the end of this party, it was decided that I would go live with my grandparents for a while. The bottom line is I need a woman around, to help with things like getting out of the bathtub. Plus this way I would have my own bathroom, which will be a huge help. This will also bring me closer to my other grandparents, who only live about 10 miles from where I'll be staying.
I don't know how long this arrangement will be for, but frankly I'm preparing myself in the event I don't get any better. In the last two weeks, I've seen a steady decline in my physical strength, to where I have a very hard time getting up from any kind of sitting, kneeling, or lying position. Yesterday at the party, I had to get my grandma to help lift me off the toilet, because I couldn't get up on my own. My legs feel like lead sometimes.
As I keep telling everyone, I'm not giving up, but I can't deny what's going on with my body, and how weak I am getting. I'm glad I cancelled hospice, because I'd rather have my family taking care of me at the end, instead of a stranger. Funeral arrangements were completed last fall, so all that's left for me to do now is make sure Dad knows what to do with all the little things. Plus, I have some letters I want to write, to be given out in the event of my death.
It's been quite an emotional week, but I feel better about the move and getting my affairs in order, so that I can rest and be at peace. I think a change of scenery will do me some good, and having women around will definitely help. I look forward to seeing what the Lord does these next few weeks and months.
I don't know how long this arrangement will be for, but frankly I'm preparing myself in the event I don't get any better. In the last two weeks, I've seen a steady decline in my physical strength, to where I have a very hard time getting up from any kind of sitting, kneeling, or lying position. Yesterday at the party, I had to get my grandma to help lift me off the toilet, because I couldn't get up on my own. My legs feel like lead sometimes.
As I keep telling everyone, I'm not giving up, but I can't deny what's going on with my body, and how weak I am getting. I'm glad I cancelled hospice, because I'd rather have my family taking care of me at the end, instead of a stranger. Funeral arrangements were completed last fall, so all that's left for me to do now is make sure Dad knows what to do with all the little things. Plus, I have some letters I want to write, to be given out in the event of my death.
It's been quite an emotional week, but I feel better about the move and getting my affairs in order, so that I can rest and be at peace. I think a change of scenery will do me some good, and having women around will definitely help. I look forward to seeing what the Lord does these next few weeks and months.
Monday, February 9, 2015
Hard
Well, the last two weeks have pretty rough. I'm not sleeping well, I've been vomiting again, my pulse spikes way up if I try to do anything, and then last night I bled again. I haven't bled since October, but there it was, plain as day in the toilet. My blood levels are already very low. I can't afford to lose any more blood. And I don't want to go through any more blood transfusions if I can help it.
Noodles are about the only thing that settles good in my stomach, so I've been eating lots of frozen fettuccine alfredo, and today added macaroni and cheese to the mix. Plus I'm on a weird schedule, where I eat some fruit around 8am, noodles around 10am, then supper around 4pm. My digestive system moves rather slow, so I like eating supper early because I'm less likely to throw up any food later at night.
Other than all this, my mind is good and strong, my spirit is strong, it's just my body that is weak. I just hate being unable to do things. Standing for too long zaps my energy, so I can't cook or wash dishes. I can fold clothes if I'm sitting down. Whatever I'm doing, I have to stop and rest every minute or two, because my high heart rate makes me so out of breath.
Everything is just so hard for me, and it's difficult for me to deal with. I wish I had a woman to talk to. But I can't complain. The guys do their best to take care of me.
Well, tomorrow is a new day.
My love to all!
Noodles are about the only thing that settles good in my stomach, so I've been eating lots of frozen fettuccine alfredo, and today added macaroni and cheese to the mix. Plus I'm on a weird schedule, where I eat some fruit around 8am, noodles around 10am, then supper around 4pm. My digestive system moves rather slow, so I like eating supper early because I'm less likely to throw up any food later at night.
Other than all this, my mind is good and strong, my spirit is strong, it's just my body that is weak. I just hate being unable to do things. Standing for too long zaps my energy, so I can't cook or wash dishes. I can fold clothes if I'm sitting down. Whatever I'm doing, I have to stop and rest every minute or two, because my high heart rate makes me so out of breath.
Everything is just so hard for me, and it's difficult for me to deal with. I wish I had a woman to talk to. But I can't complain. The guys do their best to take care of me.
Well, tomorrow is a new day.
My love to all!
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Bye Bye Hospice
Today I finally cancelled hospice. I've been praying about it for the last 2 weeks. I'm not dying, and Hospice can't really help me anyways. All they want to do is give drugs, which I won't take. They check my vitals, but that's something I can do myself. So why do I need hospice?
It was wonderful to make that decision, because that's a big weight lifted for me. There's such a heaviness about those nurses - a spirit of death - because they deal with nothing but death all the time. I'm not saying they are bad people, most dying people need what they have to offer because they believe in the medical system. And they are very sweet ladies. But they can't really do anything for true Christians, those that believe in God for healing and won't take the drugs. Dying Christians simply need their close family and other believers to support them in the end.
Anyways, now I'm just waiting for the home health company to come get all their equipment, like the oxygen tanks and the wheelchair. That stuff will likely be gone by tomorrow.
For me, this was yet another step in the healing process. Thank you Jesus!
It was wonderful to make that decision, because that's a big weight lifted for me. There's such a heaviness about those nurses - a spirit of death - because they deal with nothing but death all the time. I'm not saying they are bad people, most dying people need what they have to offer because they believe in the medical system. And they are very sweet ladies. But they can't really do anything for true Christians, those that believe in God for healing and won't take the drugs. Dying Christians simply need their close family and other believers to support them in the end.
Anyways, now I'm just waiting for the home health company to come get all their equipment, like the oxygen tanks and the wheelchair. That stuff will likely be gone by tomorrow.
For me, this was yet another step in the healing process. Thank you Jesus!
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Updates
Since last month, I've been trying to get a second PET scan set up, so that I can just see what's going on in my body. Unfortunately, I ran into some tangles with my medicaid insurance, so I've decided to drop it for now.
About 2 weeks ago I went through some pretty heavy and intense deliverance. You see, I still had fear, doubt, and unbelief in my heart; therefore, I couldn't receive healing. Now that those things have been casted out, I can believe and receive from a pure heart. Ever since the deliverance, I can feel the Lord working in my body, getting that nasty cancer out of me. I feel stronger in the spirit, and my body is really working on that healing process.
Praise the Lord God for His mercy on me!
About 2 weeks ago I went through some pretty heavy and intense deliverance. You see, I still had fear, doubt, and unbelief in my heart; therefore, I couldn't receive healing. Now that those things have been casted out, I can believe and receive from a pure heart. Ever since the deliverance, I can feel the Lord working in my body, getting that nasty cancer out of me. I feel stronger in the spirit, and my body is really working on that healing process.
Praise the Lord God for His mercy on me!
Friday, January 2, 2015
Distractions
The other day I was reading in the Gospel of Luke, and one of the parables really jumped out at me. I want to share what the Lord showed me.
Luke 14:16-24:
16 Then said he unto him, A certain man made a great supper, and bade many:
17 And sent his servant at supper time to say to them that were bidden, Come; for all things are now ready.
18 And they all with one consent began to make excuse. The first said unto him, I have bought a piece of ground, and I must needs go and see it: I pray thee have me excused.
19 And another said, I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I go to prove them: I pray thee have me excused.
20 And another said, I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.
21 So that servant came, and shewed his lord these things. Then the master of the house being angry said to his servant, Go out quickly into the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in hither the poor, and the maimed, and the halt, and the blind.
22 And the servant said, Lord, it is done as thou hast commanded, and yet there is room.
23 And the lord said unto the servant, Go out into the highways and hedges, and compel them to come in, that my house may be filled.
24 For I say unto you, That none of those men which were bidden shall taste of my supper.
If we are not careful, life can get in the way of our salvation. We get so busy with our families, our jobs, our friends, our hobbies, our worries, that we forget to serve Christ. The people in the parable above were so consumed in their lives, that they rejected the invitation of Christ. Because of this, they will not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
Take care that you not be consumed with the things of this life, which are passing, fleeting. Salvation is eternal, and so is damnation. Watch your priorities, don't get distracted, and make sure the Heavenly Father is first in your life. Spend time with Him, read His word, obey His will. This life is but a vapor, it will soon vanish. Don't waste it on senseless pleasure, but rather in holy fear, knowing that God is faithful and will do everything He said He would do.
Luke 14:16-24:
16 Then said he unto him, A certain man made a great supper, and bade many:
17 And sent his servant at supper time to say to them that were bidden, Come; for all things are now ready.
18 And they all with one consent began to make excuse. The first said unto him, I have bought a piece of ground, and I must needs go and see it: I pray thee have me excused.
19 And another said, I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I go to prove them: I pray thee have me excused.
20 And another said, I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.
21 So that servant came, and shewed his lord these things. Then the master of the house being angry said to his servant, Go out quickly into the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in hither the poor, and the maimed, and the halt, and the blind.
22 And the servant said, Lord, it is done as thou hast commanded, and yet there is room.
23 And the lord said unto the servant, Go out into the highways and hedges, and compel them to come in, that my house may be filled.
24 For I say unto you, That none of those men which were bidden shall taste of my supper.
If we are not careful, life can get in the way of our salvation. We get so busy with our families, our jobs, our friends, our hobbies, our worries, that we forget to serve Christ. The people in the parable above were so consumed in their lives, that they rejected the invitation of Christ. Because of this, they will not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
Take care that you not be consumed with the things of this life, which are passing, fleeting. Salvation is eternal, and so is damnation. Watch your priorities, don't get distracted, and make sure the Heavenly Father is first in your life. Spend time with Him, read His word, obey His will. This life is but a vapor, it will soon vanish. Don't waste it on senseless pleasure, but rather in holy fear, knowing that God is faithful and will do everything He said He would do.
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