Hard

Well, the last two weeks have pretty rough. I'm not sleeping well, I've been vomiting again, my pulse spikes way up if I try to do anything, and then last night I bled again. I haven't bled since October, but there it was, plain as day in the toilet. My blood levels are already very low. I can't afford to lose any more blood. And I don't want to go through any more blood transfusions if I can help it.

Noodles are about the only thing that settles good in my stomach, so I've been eating lots of frozen fettuccine alfredo, and today added macaroni and cheese to the mix. Plus I'm on a weird schedule, where I eat some fruit around 8am, noodles around 10am, then supper around 4pm. My digestive system moves rather slow, so I like eating supper early because I'm less likely to throw up any food later at night.

Other than all this, my mind is good and strong, my spirit is strong, it's just my body that is weak. I just hate being unable to do things. Standing for too long zaps my energy, so I can't cook or wash dishes. I can fold clothes if I'm sitting down. Whatever I'm doing, I have to stop and rest every minute or two, because my high heart rate makes me so out of breath.

Everything is just so hard for me, and it's difficult for me to deal with. I wish I had a woman to talk to. But I can't complain. The guys do their best to take care of me.

Well, tomorrow is a new day.

My love to all!